use the potty, boy!

when ruby was born, rain started displaying some classic terrible two (and new big brother) behavior. i felt lost when it came to disciplining since nothing seemed to phase him. i started reading two books i had been eying for a while. peaceful parent, happy kids: how to stop yelling and start connecting (i don't yell often, but i love dr. markham's parenting style and website) and unconditional parenting: moving from rewards and punishment to love and reason. 5 months later, i haven't finished either one, but alfie kohn's argument against rewards and punishments (this includes time-outs and some wordings of verbal praise) is so compelling that i want to cut out the few that i use immediately. problem is, i haven't read the end of the book so sometimes i'm not sure what the alternative is! so rain has no boundaries, complete freedom, until i finish the book and figure it out. just kidding. but seriously, i do silently panic (we're ruining him!) every time i reach the end of my rope and send him to his room, hear haj bribe him or his jammie (maria) tell him he's such a good boy. haj sees it in my face, gives me an exasperated eye roll, and i try to curb my anxiety for the time being.

i was going somewhere with this... potty training.

up until recently, rain had no interest whatsoever in using the potty. when i would gently suggest trying underwear, there would be tears. i've already tried to reason and shame him into underwear to no avail. since we've been trying not to bribe him (especially with food), we're forced to do this potty training thing at his pace. we offer encouragement and provide the opportunity every day. it seems to be a two-steps forward, one-step back kind of process.

today i had a weak moment while changing his poopy diaper (at this point, it's like changing an adult poo). rain asks for sweets all day/every day so why wouldn't he try while getting his butt wiped? he asked for chocolate. i took the opportunity to bribe him with food, thinking it would be worth it if this was the last of his poo i would ever have to wrap up in a diaper.

me: you can have chocolate when you poop in the potty! i'll make you chocolate chocolate chip cookies

rain: when mommy poops in the potty, i'll make mommy chock-wet chip cookies. that would be nice for mommy. 

me: no rain. when you poop in the potty.
rain: no mommy. you poop and i give you chock-wet and me chock-wet.

so it seems bribes won't work for this kid anyway when it comes to potty training... nor reason, shame, new underwear, the excitement of flushing, watching his buddy go, and countless other tricks. numerous moms have told me 3 is a normal age for boys to potty-train. for now, i guess that is comforting. he stopped breastfeeding and started sleeping through the night, mostly on his own, so i know that there will be a time when he is ready to poo in the potty. hopefully...